Proposal: Fight for Love

I did a surprise proposal, & it went surprisingly well. Here’s the song lyrics & words of my own that I used to propose to the love of my life, Rory:

Dear Rory,

There’s something I can’t quite explain: I’m so in love with you/You never take that away

You’re never second best,
you’re my one, completely

Where you go,
I will follow you.
Where you go,
I’m going too.

You’re the love of my life. I can’t believe how fast six years has flown by. It’s a long time that feels—honestly—like nothing at all.

I want to spend six more years by your side. I want to spend six decades with you.

You lift me up whenever I’m down. You help me laugh even when I’m sleepy. You’ve loved me through rainy, cloudy days & through sunny ones.

I just want to know…Would you marry me?


edited 1.4.2021]

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Blue October’s Livestream Concert, Pt. 1

left to right: Ryan, Will, Justin, Jeremy, & Matt.

Last night, my sister and I popped some popcorn, grabbed my computer, and set up Blue October’s livestream concert. (I purchased a ticket earlier that day. The ticket I purchased allows me to view their concert again, which helped because I worked until 10 last night.)

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New Blue!

Blue October has released a new single called “This is What I Live For,” off of their upcoming tenth album of the same name. With a slower tempo, intimate lyrics, and strong beats, “This is What I Live For” is a solid single.

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Dear Justin

Dear Justin,

Thank you for your hug at my first Blue show. Thank you for signing my copy of An Open Book. It still means a lot to me. It was very sweet of you to hug me.

You’re one of the coolest and sweetest guys I know. I love your music because it’s helped me understand my depression and anxiety over the years. I love your music because you continue to lift me up daily. Your lyrics are insightful, powerful, and poetic. 

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Oh My My

Blue October has released a new single.

“Oh My My” is a narrative song about falling in love with someone. It’s catchy, fun, and cheerful. The speaker is a guy who has been struck dumb by the sight of a sad, but pretty, woman. He’s a “sucker for your oh my my”, her dangerous side, and promises to catch her when she falls. He hopes that she’ll return the favor.

I’m excited for Blue October’s new album What I Live For to drop. I love when they come out with new music!

The Answers (1998)

First albums make first impressions. The Answers, Blue October’s first album, is raw. If this album were a hand, the knuckles on the hand would have scrapped and raw skin. This debut album is an example of what it means to be young and living with mental illness. Weaving in narratives about family, lacking the ability to give yourself advice, and tales of depression, The Answers is a boxing glove that packs a punch.

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Ten Years a Blue Fan!

In September, I quietly made it to ten years as a fan of Blue October’s music. I don’t listen to their music everyday, but when I do, I feel joy come over me. I’ve listened to their discography of rock and alternative music enough over the years that I’ve memorized most of their lyrics. I have favorites upon favorites in their catalogue of rock music. I’m excited when they come out with new music. Lately, Blue October’s sound has matured, talking about family, forgiving your exes, and enjoying life. Their sound overall–especially their dedication to creating music–is something that not everyone possesses these days.

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Blue October: October 7th, 2017

I beamed in front of the poster, which had Blue October’s name on it. I was finally going to see the band I loved so much play in the flesh. Visiting with fans of Blue October only made me more excited to see them. “You’ll cry,” one girl told me. “He’s amazing,” she added, talking about the charismatic lead singer, Justin Furstenfeld.

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My life is changing. I have more energy, energy to stay awake during the day. I wake up now and don’t feel groggy when I head downstairs to eat breakfast. I tend to go to bed earlier than I used to, but this is because I’m taking less naps in the afternoon. I’m reading and writing more than I have in the past several years. I’m not afraid or anxious when confronted with a blank white piece of paper. I don’t judge myself before I write; the words flow out of me like water from a faucet.

Two months ago, I started a new medication. And it’s making a world of difference in my life.

Continue reading “Happiness”