My life is changing. I have more energy, energy to stay awake during the day. I wake up now and don’t feel groggy when I head downstairs to eat breakfast. I tend to go to bed earlier than I used to, but this is because I’m taking less naps in the afternoon. I’m reading and writing more than I have in the past several years. I’m not afraid or anxious when confronted with a blank white piece of paper. I don’t judge myself before I write; the words flow out of me like water from a faucet.
Two months ago, I started a new medication. And it’s making a world of difference in my life.
I’m experiencing happiness again. I was happy before I stared these meds, but I felt like something was missing. You know the feeling before you leave the house that you’re forgetting something? Like maybe your car keys? This is kinda what it felt like to me, but instead of searching for my lost keys, I went without them, thinking I could just keep going and not need them. My depression had entered this stage where I was struggling to read or write, and would go months without doing either activity. This isn’t like me–I love reading books, web comics, and blogs. I read every chance I can get when my mood is good.
But my depression and anxiety was making me doubt myself, making me think that I needed to write perfect sentences, formulate perfect scenarios in my head. I neglected writing on this blog because of it. I wanted to write stuff on here, I just didn’t think it would be good enough.
My new outlook on life is also changed, too. I am able to get up before noon, even on days I’m not working, and put my nose to the grindstone. I’m actually able to do the things I enjoy again, which feels wonderful.
It’s like listening to acoustic songs by Blue October. The music is raw, pure happiness. It takes my breath away. It’s wonderful, truly wonderful. I want this feeling to never leave.