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#personal

Mania

I’m very manic right now, and struggling with insomnia. As I write this, I’m up at the crack of dawn, writing this because I’m unable to sleep. I’ve been struggling to sleep a full night for several days now.

It’s not because of stress. It’s not because I’m worried about COVID-19.

It’s because of one of my medications.

I’m not saying this to garner pity or just get views and likes. I’m not making this up, either. I’m writing and sharing this to document my experience as someone who has severe depression and anxiety. I’m sharing this because I want to share what it really feels like/looks like to have episodes of mania while living with depression, due to medication side effects.

It’s not fair.

It sucks that I can’t fall back asleep right now.

My brain keeps whirling, keeps insisting that I should be doing something, even at 5:14 AM, a time I would normally be asleep. I should be asleep right now.

This is not normal for me. I don’t have bipolar. (I’ve been diagnosed with depression and anxiety.) I don’t regularly experience this kind of mania. I thought that this medication would be different.

And yet, I’ve gained 30-40 pounds and am now struggling to stay asleep through the night.

Don’t worry, my family knows and I will be getting to the bottom of this.

Thanks for reading,
Meghan

By Meghan B.

Hello! Thanks for checking out my blog! Despite being 29, I haven't lost my sense of child-like wonder for the world around me. I've been making up stories my whole life: My imaginative play with toys as a child has grown up with me, maturing into my imaginative wordplay with fantasy and sci-fi prose as well as free-verse poetry. I thrive on creating something with my hands and with my mind, using either my pen or my keyboard. When I'm not reading, writing, or knitting (or realistically, working), I'm watching Netflix, gaming, or hanging out with the people I love most: my friends, my family, or my boyfriend.

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