your eyes are an ocean

your blue-green waves
tug me from the soft sand & beckon me into your lapping waters,
where I splash until my skin is pebbled with goose-pimples

I slog through the water, logy with exhaustion
having spent hours drowning in your pounding waves

once more on the sand,
I’m warmed by the sudden eruption
of Volcanus heat from your undertow.

edited 5/23/2020
edited 1/3/2021]

Advice for Dating Someone with Asperger’s

  1. I listen to his concerns, for what clothing issues he might have. Note: When you go clothes shopping, you let him pick out comfortable articles of pants and shirts.
  1. Dear Self: You can tell him when you’re tired of his rants (for example) about the gaming company AE. It’s okay. Don’t feel bad about needing to change the subject.
  2. He is smart, his experiences are valid, and he is loved by his family, friends, and (most importantly) by me.
  3. Your relationship may not move along as quickly as some, but he doesn’t stray. He loves you more deeply than you can imagine, deeper than any pool of water, stronger than any yarn I’ve knitted.
  4. Believe that he can do things, because he believes in you.
  5. Rory is special, because I’m special, too. I understand what it’s like to struggle with making friends, that being social can tire us both out.
  6. I have PDDNOS, which means that I’m on the autism spectrum, but don’t fit under the umbrella like someone with Asperger’s. I have autistic tendencies, I say, because it’s easier to explain. I’m passionate about Blue October, the novel A Little Life, LGBTQ+ rights and issues, and learning new knitting patterns. I can talk your ear off about any of my favorite subjects. Rory knows this, and he can do the same for video games, science, history, and psychology tidbits . (He’s gotten better about listening to the flow of our conversations since I first started dating him.)
  7. Love on the autism spectrum is magical, because you’re both unique. We’re both living unicorns, wild and free in the shimmering forest. We’re eating from the same rainbow cup of ice cream. We’re animated about our different passions: writing, reading, and gaming. You like the prettiness of video games, and I love the pretty knitting patterns I discover on YouTube. We both light up when we’re together, a halo of light ringing our bodies.


Notes: Every person with autism is different. Every experience with autism is different. Some are high-functioning, while some people just need more love and care navigating our crazy world. This is my personal experience with dating someone who has Asperger’s, a form of autism. I too am on the autism spectrum. Both Rory’s and my experiences are unique. We have mutual friends who are also on the autism spectrum. We get along really well! It’s important to spread awareness (even in today’s world) about autism. For example, autism is not caused by vaccines. This is a myth spread through fear tactics and misunderstanding of vaccines and what science can do for us as human beings. I’m on the autism spectrum because of my prematurity at birth. On the other hand, my boyfriend Rory wasn’t born premature and happens to also be on the autism spectrum. He is high-functioning. Thank you for taking the time to listen and to read my poem.


Your textile mill
& your straight-laced columns of mathematics
kept me in line—
but when I sent kiss-o-grams
to the cute boy in cubicle three,
you crippled me with laughter,
a bruised knee,
& sideways shoves into the lockers.

When I held his hand for the first time,
—fly-me-to-Jupiter, over-the-moon happy—
you said I was gross
& plenty of other terrible things, too.

I still work at the mill,
& keep my records straight,
tight as a wound ball of yarn,
tidy as my pencils, neatly ordered in lines—
but he’s the only one I tango with at night.

(edited 6/4/20)


So, this is what it’s like to truly miss you:
wanting nothing more than to wrap you in my arms
like I would wrap a present with a nice, tight red bow.

Your smooth, supple legs twining around mine,
our clothes lost from top to bottom—
the threads unraveling with each kiss
& each brush of each touch
renewing my faith in you.

You’re better than any demi-god,
because you’re a fully-fledged human:
flawed like my first clayey spin at the potter’s wheel,
fabled like the Geat Beowulf,
witty as Chaucer in his pilgrimage to Canterbury,
sharp in a black vest and red bowtie,
smart like Tesla,
strong as a beaker,
& sexy as ‘80s synth.

I can’t believe you’re actually mine:
clear, mountain stream blue eyes,
full rose-pink lips,
long, nimble fingers
that unbutton jeans as easily as laying the strokes of lines of code,
powerful thighs which wrap around my torso,
your beautiful cock to greet me
in the morning,
& wet my appetite
well after midnight,
& your warm, sweaty body to hold in my shining arms
once we’ve finished mussing the bedsheets.

(edited 5/21/2020)

Note: This can be seen as a non-personal poem, for it is a fantasy in the speaker’s mind. The image used is from

It’s the little things

It’s the little things that set you apart from others:
your shining blue eyes,
the way you brush your teeth,
the way you comb your hair,
and the way in which you walk with your calve muscles
it’s the steady thumping of your fingers on your keyboard,
your sharp laughter at something funny,
and your long hugs
which warm me like a blanket

edited 5/20/2020

How to Love Someone Two Hours Away: a Time Capsule

  1. It’s harder than concrete,
    & sparser than the desert flowers
  2. Meeting up, everything’s rushed:
    time floats like the loon they say;
    driving the kids around in the golf cart,
    pushing little Ezra to “go higher!” on the swing set,
    watching The Lego Movie on your grandma’s bed
  3. Kissing you is sweeter
    than salt water taffy;
    our tongues crackling electricity in our mouths,
    snapping like Pop Rocks
  4. I miss squeezing our bodies
    closetogether in a fierce hug;
    I miss riffling through your shoulder-length brown hair;
    I ache for the sound of your voice
    in my sadness,
    in my inability to wrench myself from the suction of bedsheets
  5. Now, during Covid-19:
    Your laughter over funny YouTube videos
    brings a trembling smile to my lips,
    I ask how you’re doing
    & feel gushing spring water relief when you say, “Okay.”
  6. At night,
    I hope I dream up adventures for us:
    picnics, snuggling on your sectional couch,
    eating burgers & shakes at Freddy’s,
    holding hands as we walk down the bike path,
    the trees budding pink and green shoots anew

(edited 3/17/20)
(edited again 5/16/20)

I want you back in my bed

I want you back in my bed,
slithering over the covers of my duvet,
slinking closer to kiss and caress me

I want you back in my bed,
writhing and moaning underneath me,
a gasping hot mess,
a volcano about to blow

I want you back in my bed,
your arms twined around me,
your head resting on my chest

I miss being in the same bed,
the sheets mussed,
our closeness almost uncomfortable
like a stitch in my side

I want to be back in the same house as you,
laughing, watching anime, and eating popcorn
spooning on the large sectional


if I lost you

if I lost you,
I’d bury myself to the waist in sand
alive on the outside, a draining hourglass on the inside
I’d ink a little sailboat on the inside of my wrist
I’d miss your meals of party pizza and pizza rolls
I’d miss hearing all of your “boops” instead of “goodbyes”
I’d miss your narration as you gamed
I’d miss your laughs, the leg-jiggle in your voice
If I lost you,
I’d wail with the sirens of police cars,
I’d cry Alice a new river at the sight of anything red, your favorite color
if I lost you,
I’d scream myself hoarse,
my face smothered beneath my pillow
if I lost you,
I’d cry Alice a new river
you’d still be my North, though,
when I’d stumble South